UnCharted Territory

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Insecurity

They say people are never satisfied with what they have. We always wish for more. The way things are now will never be ideal or good enough. There will always, always be some imperfections, some cracks in the otherwise perfect mirror reflecting our lives.

I wish I can say with absolute and complete honesty that I am happy. But I cannot. There was a point in time when I had less and I felt happy anyway.

I wonder what changed. Why do I not feel that sense of peace and security? How is it possible to feel satisfied with life when there are so many imperfections?

I think perhaps, for me, the key to feeling peaceful and fulfilled is security.

I have never been able to deal well with unanswered questions, uncertainties, vagueness. It all boils down to my affinity for a sense of security, my excessive liking for the comfort zone that I have created for myself. I dislike being left in doubts. I dislike doubting myself and the people I really care about.

I need to know with absolute, complete certainty. I guess some things are impossible after all.