UnCharted Territory

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Wish list

It is early Wednesday morning and I have an exam on Thursday afternoon. I prefer not to dwell on the amount of lecture notes I still have to cover lest I lapse into a panic attack. Instead I choose to blog.

Not exactly the wisest course of action considering I just spent more than an hour writing a poem earlier. I must be nuts. Or maybe the lack of sleep is making me delusional. I think I have more time to study than I actually do.

One week of wasted study break… maybe I should have gone back to Malaysia instead of idling my time away here in Perth. At least if I had gone home, I would be able to see all the people that I miss dearly and eat all the food that I miss almost as dearly. At least back home, there is my family, there are my cousins, there are good friends, and then there is him. At least back home, there is proper home cooked food, instead of the instant food that I have been living on for the past week and a half. At least back home, I can go shopping, eat out, hang out in Starbucks, watch Astro/ Korean drama series, go mamak-ing, not rely on public transport, not bother multiplying the price of everything I buy by three, speak Manglish, wear shorts, go swimming, shower in cold water without shivering, have a life after 5pm…

The things I wish to have/do that can only be had/done in Malaysia… the list goes on and on.

I can’t wait for this Sunday when one of the most missed things on my wish list, which incidentally is the only thing I can have while I am in Perth, will be ticked off.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Cry

Don’t cry over someone who won’t cry over you.

No matter how much you love another; there is nothing more important than preserving self worth. No matter how much you care for someone else, always remember that you cannot care for others if you do not care for yourself.

If he makes you cry and doesn’t stay to wipe your tears, then he isn’t worth the heartache.

If he makes you sad more often than he makes you happy, then he isn’t worth your time.

If he says one thing and does another once too often, and makes you unhappy in the process, then he isn’t worth your love.

If he hurts you and doesn’t care enough to right the wrongs, let go.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Rules

Is there a time frame for progression? Is there a limit to closeness? Are there guidelines to follow? Are there wrongs and rights?

If there is, who decides?

Call it naiveté, call it denial, call it whatever you want…

I believe that when it comes to love, there are no rules.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Talk

“Goodness, why do you need to talk to each other on the phone so often?”
“Didn’t you speak on the phone just a few hours ago?”
“What do you guys TALK about?”

I used to shake my head disbelievingly whenever I hear about people having phone conversations with their loved ones almost a million times a day. I could not imagine how two people can possibly have so much to say to each other. Do they not have better things to do?

I guess there really is no NEED to call each other so often… you call simply because you want to.
A few hours ago is a few hours ago… lots of things or nothing at all can happen in between…
You don’t need an excuse or a topic of conversation… hearing the other party’s voice is reason enough to call.

Mostly, you call because you miss them.

And I miss him.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

How much?

I have spent my whole life building a wall around myself. The people closest to me are the ones able to walk past my defenses. Some others I let in when I am able to. The rest I keep at bay. I do not remember a time when I question this mentality of mine. Until now.

Why do I feel the need for distance and space? Why do I have this inherent fear of being too attached or caring too much for someone? Why do I hold back?

I feel like the wall I have painstakingly built all these years is rapidly being broken down. And it scares me. It seems like I cannot do anything but stand by and watch helplessly.

There is, after all, no such thing as a candy colored world with a rainbow over the sky, sparklingly green grass, and all things sweet in between.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I am happy. And yet… I worry. I fear. And I question.

The best thing one can do for one’s self and for others is to give. There is nothing like seeing the smile on another’s face when receiving something sincerely given. There is nothing more uplifting than giving just for the sake of giving.

Perhaps the best way to love is to give… without expecting anything in return.

The question I pose is this : Is there a limit to giving?

There is so much one can give. How much is too much??