A Jog

I went jogging along Swan River today. Just ran and ran and ran until fatigue set in. I have jogged the same path several times before. But for some reason, today was different.

Today I was different. Today, I was actually awake.

Every gust of the bitingly cold wind, every gasp of breath that I took and every single beat of my heart… forced themselves upon me as I tried to remember what it was that was troubling me. And I could not remember. And then I realized I do not want to remember. Because now, right in this moment, there is more.

I was made acutely aware of the way my ponytail swings from side to side with every step I took. I saw how the sky was painted blue, purple, pink and yellow with splashes of white clouds streaking across it. I heard the children screaming in delight, the blowing wind, the crashing waves, the thumping of my feet on the ground, and the rhythm of the breaths I took. I smiled at the sight of a couple in the midst of having their wedding shots taken. I marveled ( again ) at how silent the dogs here are. I felt the way my body warmed up to the pace of my jog, felt the heat in my face, the racing of my heart, saw the tinge of red coloring my arms as more blood circulated to my extremities. And I felt ALIVE.

I have heard how it is possible to live without actually living, just like it is possible to see without actually seeing and to hear without actually hearing. What is astonishing is the fact that I know and yet I continue. I continue in this state of mind. This state of dreaminess where I am half awake ( or rather half asleep ) most of the time.

It seems like I am so busy chasing after the things that will fill my life up that I forget its very essence.